Monday, July 31, 2017

Bye, Bye Grandma

Dear William and Claudia,

Your Grandma passed away on Friday, July 21 2017. She took her last breath at 5:30 in the evening. We got a call from the Symphony nurse at 5:40. 

There are many things to write, but I don't have it in me right now to put so many feelings into words. Just know that Grandma loved you very much and she will always be with you.

Love,
Mommy



http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/nwitimes/obituary.aspx?n=viola-marie-knoll-zielinski&pid=186180493&fhid=2079




Sunday, July 16, 2017

Grandma

Dear William and Claudia,

Yesterday when we visited Grandma, you both sensed my sadness and fear. As we entered the front doors of Symphony, Grandma's assisted living home, you, Claudia, grabbed my hand it held it as we walked down the hall. That helped me tremendously. I stopped at the nurses station and the two of you walked into Grandma's room without any hesitation. I know this is hard to do because we don't know what condition we are going to find Grandma in during each visit. Will she be able to recognize us? Will she be able to communicate? Everyday changes. It's hard to predict.

As we sat with Grandma in her room, I had to step out. Cause tears were uncontrollably falling from my eyes. William, you hugged and patted my arm. You comforted me. I love you because you always are in tune to my feelings.

This is a hard time for me. Grandma has caused me a lot of hurt for a long time. Yet, it makes me sad seeing her so ill. I don't know if she has the capability to think, but not verbally communicate. Or she  is just not aware of what is happening to her. I hope she is not aware.

I have been praying to God to take her soon. I've asked Grandma to come and be with her. It's time for Grandma to be with your Grandpa now.

I am so grateful for your understanding and the love you have shown me.

Love,

Mommy
XOXO




Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Grandma

Dear William and Claudia

As you know, Grandma is dying. She has pancreatic cancer. We found out in May after a lot of confusion as to where the cancer originated from. After finally hearing the results, stage 4 pancreatic cancer, Grandma decided she did not want chemotherapy. We told her we respected her decision. Her doctor would not tell us how much time she had left. I realize that it is often a guessing game, and that doctors don't want to give an estimate. Personally, I feel she has given up. She wants to be with your Grandpa. She has wanted to be with him since he left us.

We are out of school for the summer which makes it so much easier to visit her. Lately, she is spending most of her time in bed. She got up for a little bit today when she saw you two! She had a few sips of water and a piece of watermelon. Then she asked to go back to bed. She also asked for pain medication. The nurse said the meds would make her sleep for awhile so we left.

I am sorry kids. You never got to know your Grandpa, and now your Grandma is leaving you. Keep
her in your prayers. She loves you.

Love,
Mommy