Christmas Cards And All That Crap

The Stage 2008 Card

This week we received our first Christmas card. The card came from one of Brian's high school friends. The friend that scammed him out of his high school valedictorian spot (that's a story for another day). I think she still feels guilty and therefore still includes him on her list of sendees.

Along with the cards we sometimes get those goofy Christmas letters. You know... the letters that go on and on about how perfect life is. I hate those letters! I truly understand that it is much easier to write one letter, duplicate it and send it with a card, but COME ON FOLKS!

I have one ex-coworker who writes her letter in third person. "Ralph and Wanda painted the house muted green with salmon trim. Ralph and Wanda remodeled the bathroom to match the new wallpaper in the hallway...". Then she signs the letter as "Ralph and Wanda". Hello Ralph and Wanda! This is wrong, not to mention stupid! Don't you realize you are writing in third person and then signing your own name to it? Does this make sense? This does not make sense to Susan.

This year I decided to create my own letter:

Dear Family and Friends,

Christmas is fast approaching once again! This has been one hell of a year for the Stage Family. Brian's recent job interview sucked and our hopes for an increase in his salary have gone down the toilet. His only highlight of the year was working with Johnny Depp and Christian Bale while filming "Public Enemies". Brian played the role of a prisoner . You may have heard the about the unfortunate experience he had in the shower house with the other prisoners....

As for me, I had to commit myself... I have been blogging from my new home, CRAPUS (The Center for Recovery of Adults Putting Up with Shit). The last butt wiping episode with Claudia put me over the edge... The staff here is working with me to overcome my fear of potty training. I can now approach a potty chair without experiencing the "shakes". However, the smell of toilet paper still makes me erupt.

William started preschool and organized sports this year. Have you ever seen 4 year olds play T-Ball? It's a painful experience to watch. We did manage to walk away from the games without any broken bones, unlike last year when he busted his arm. Can't say so much for the other kid... we're still feeling sorry about the "incident".

Claudia made it through two days of preschool before she decided to crap in her pants. We were asked to remove her from school until her potty fear subsided. She's still fearin' the potty.

Sophie, our dog, is on her fourth litter of puppies. I knew we should of had her fixed when that neuter scooter came around....

We almost had a vacation this year.... We made it all the way to Angola, Indiana before the camper split in two on the highway. Golly, I was sorry to part with that camper...

Love, The Stage Family

Anyway... you get the idea!

Merry Christmas!!!!