Christmas Past

ChRiStMaS 1974

Viola (mom), Me, Santa, Gayle and Grandma Claudia

Don't Drink The Leaves!

Last night at dinner, Brian and I were discussing cordials. Our conversation went like this...

Me: I don't like Bailey's.

Brian: I don't like Bailey's either.

Claudia: I don't like Bailey's.

Me: Claudia, tell me what Bailey's is.

Claudia: You know the leaves you put into soup.

She was referring to BAY LEAVES

Magic Reindeer Food

When I was teaching elementary school, I always sent a bag of this special food home with the kids to be scattered on the lawn on Christmas Eve. The kids loved it... so do mine!

Recipe:

1/2 cup uncooked oatmeal
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup red or green sugar crystals (as used for cake decorating)


Add this poem:

Be sure to take this magic food and sprinkle on the lawn.
On Christmas, Santa's reindeer travel miles before the dawn.
The smell of oats and glitter path will guide them on their way.
And you'll wake up to Santa's gifts next morn on Christmas Day!


Note: many recipes for Magic Reindeer Food call for craft glitter, which can harm birds or wildlife if ingested. For safety, substitute colored sugar crystals and be kind to animals!

Reindeer Poop

Claudia has been rather feisty lately. She has been little less than cooperative when it comes to hygiene (she no longer likes water unless it is in a swimming pool), will not get dressed on her own because she "can't remember how" or wear shoes in public places (it doesn't matter to her that it is only 20 degrees outside).

Yesterday I reminded her that Santa is watching her and can hear every word that comes out of her mouth. "And, Claudia, if you continue to yell at me, Santa is going to bring you a giant pile of reindeer poop instead of toys!" Coal is foreign to her... poop she can visualize.

William turned to her and said, "Claudia, if Santa gives you poop, I'll share my toys with you." That's just like William... always looking out for his sister.

Claudia then looked at me with a smirk stating, "William's going to share his toys with me." But what she was really saying was, "Ha! Got you Mom!"

Thanksgiving And The Big 40!

Brian and kids

Jordan, Brian and Gayle

Matthew and Snoopy

Mimi and Papa

Monica and Brian

Brian and Grandma

What a busy holiday week we had!

Our days prior to Thanksgiving were filled with shopping for Thanksgiving and Brian's 40th birthday party. In addition to all the shopping, I managed to paint a bathroom and touch up paint on the inside of the house (due to William repeatedly ramming his trucks into the baseboards), cooked and cleaned and cooked and cleaned.

I always tell myself prior to parties that I'm not going to do "big" cleaning such as wiping down all the baseboards, scrubbing floors and steam cleaning carpets because as soon as the guests leave, I have to clean everything again. But I did the cleaning because I am paranoid that someone might notice the "fur" growing on the baseboards or the stain on the hallway carpet (as if people really search for these things).

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This year, Thanksgiving Day was spent at my mom's house with my sister's family. Gayle and Randy made a delicious turkey! The kids had fun playing with their cousins and enjoyed all Grandma's desserts. Both Claudia and William decided that they both love pumpkin pie and requested to take a piece home. We ended the evening kind of late (for us) and went home with two tired children.

Black Friday morning Brian went to the Tractor Supply Company to buy Snoopy a new dog crate. They have great prices on pet items plus the crate was 40% off. Snoopy has grown a bit bigger than was predicted by the vet and no longer fit in his old crate. I was teased by a few people for loving the Tractor Supply Company, but I'll tell you that they have the best customer service in Porter County! Brian said the young man working there not only retrieved the crate off the shelf for him, but also held it while Brian stood in line to pay and then carried it to his car! How often do you find that kind of service? Sure beats Macy's!

We avoided the rest of the early Black Friday lines and headed out Friday afternoon to finish shopping for the party. We were lucky because the lines were not too long which was great because I had a lot of prepping at home to do for the party.

Saturday was Brian's party. We invited family and friends to help celebrate his big 40. All of Brian's college roommates came minus a few that we no longer keep in touch with. We had a great time reminiscing about Purdue and all the fun we had during our college years. I noticed that my sister's 15 year old daughter was listening to the stories with great interest... she may have to remind her parents of some of the "not so legal" things they did when the opportunity arises. Hope you have a good memory Jordan!

Saturday night, Brian's sister, Monica, and two of her daughters stayed the night along with one of my sister's daughters. They kids had fun sleeping in their sleeping bags on William's floor. What a great way to end a festive night!

On Sunday, my friend from Purdue and her family stopped by for a visit. They were on their way back home to southeastern Indiana after spending Thanksgiving in the Chicago burbs. We had a great visit with them and look forward to them coming back soon for an extended visit. Got that Kathy?!!!!

Sunday evening, Gayle and her family came by to pick up there daughter and celebrate Brian's official 40th birthday. Thank goodness for leftovers!

By Sunday night, I was wiped and was in desperate need of a cleaning service. Unfortunately for me, the only help (or lack thereof) I had came from two uninterested preschoolers and one tired OLD man. Even though the house was once again a huge mess, the birthday party was great and well worth all the work!

Happy Birthday Brian / Daddy!!! Hope you enjoyed your party!

Ho Ho Ho...

William,

You are really excited about Christmas this year!

We've been decorating at home and you've been busy at preschool practicing for your Christmas program. You have been asking a lot of questions about Jesus, the "activity" (Nativity) scene, mangers and, of course, all the Santa questions...

Last night, long after we thought you were asleep, you tiptoed into the hallway and shared a LOUD, "Ho, Ho, Ho!" with us and ran back to your bed.

This morning, very early, you crept into my bed and stated, "I love our family. I love Santa's family. But most of all, I love Santa's elves!" Then you fell back to sleep.

Merry Christmas William,

Mom

Happy 10th Anniversary

October 23, 1999

Wedding Blessing By My Students

The Trolley

The First Dance

Brian,

Today (well.. it was" today" when I originally wrote this) marks ten years of marriage. What a great wedding ceremony and reception we had. It was so much fun planning our special day. I am still amazed at how well everything worked out. I can honestly say that if we did it all over again, I would not change a thing.

My favorite part of planning our reception was searching for the right band. Remember the band that we went to see at the Palmer House? (note: this is favorite wedding planning story to share) The bandleader told us to stop by about 9:00pm.....made sense to us, as we figured dinner would be over and we could hang out discreetly in the back of the room and listen to the band for awhile. Well, the two of us and my friend Michelle (who had joined us for the evening, as we had big plans to crash the Fremd High School 10th Reunion at the Union League Club!) sauntered into the Palmer House and were directed toward a large open stairwell that extended right out into the main lobby.

As we opened the door and entered the room, I quickly became aware that something was wrong. As in very wrong. People weren't up dancing, mingling, and talking, with the lights low, like we had expected at 9pm. Noooo, they were all heading toward their seats, as dinner hadn't even been served. That would be just fine, except for one SMALL detail......WE HAD NO SEATS!!!!

And the door in we had just entered appeared to be the only way in and out of the place....unless we did an about face and left, which didn't quite seem to make sense. In a controlled panic, we made a beeline for the back corner, where we spied a bar from afar. We tried to look like we belonged, although we probably stood out like sore thumbs. You nervously asked the bartender for a beer....I think you felt like strangling the bandleader instead. Everyone in the party was now seated and it would have been too obvious if we had slinked our way across the empty dance floor to the exit. So we froze, unsure of what to do. A Palmer House staff member appeared and asked us if we were with the wedding. When we told him that the band had invited us to listen to the music, he disapprovingly told us "that wasn't going to happen" and told us we were going to have to leave. Brian spoke up and said that we didn't particularly care to be escorted out in front of the 200 wedding guests....was there another way out? And that's how we got a guided tour of the Palmer House kitchen, past dozens of kitchen workers who gawked at us as we wandered by, smiling!

Needless to say, we didn't hire THAT band and we earned the title "The Wedding Crashers"!

Our next band search led us to the Dennis Keith Band. They were playing at Grant Park as part of the Summer Dance series on Thursday nights. The city of Chicago was offering free dance lessons each Thursday...and live music for the evening so that everyone could try out their new moves. I don't remember what they were teaching that evening... salsa? Anyway, we had a great time dancing to the music. We knew this was the band we wanted to hire after they played a memorable version of "Disco Inferno". I swear, half the city of Chicago got up to dance! They were great at our reception... got everyone onto the dance floor, they knew exactly what music to play and accommodated our unusual wish of making "Unforgettable" into a foxtrot. People left the reception next to ours to come and dance in our room. The band was that good!

I also loved the trolley we hired. We almost didn't have the trolley because the first one died making it's way from the city to Palatine. Luckily a replacement made it to the house on time! I love some of the pictures that were taken on the trolley!

I almost forgot about the dance lessons we took. That was a lot of fun. We never got very good at waltzing or swing dancing but our foxtrot couldn't be matched! Remember walking into the reception hall and doing our first dance? We had the whole dance choreographed by the dance instructor. Sounds kind of cheesy now, but it was fun at the time. Anyway... I was so nervous. I hate being the center of attention. I was so relieved when it was over. I could tell that you were loved having all those eyes on you! By the way, Brian, you are really good at "twinkling".

Then there was the Hyatt. They went out of their way to meet our needs. What a great place for our reception.... everything was so beautiful.... from the cocktail hour in the lobby to the incredible sweet table. Too bad we never found time to eat the sweets!

There are a lot more memories I have from our wedding day... from the photographer who kept telling me not to smile so she could take photos of me "in deep thought". She never got any of those shots because I kept on smiling.

Father Joe having my students come up and give us a special blessing... there was not a dry eye in the church! I never even knew he had planned that.

I wish I could forget my scabs for eyebrows. The lady at the salon burned me with hot wax while waxing my brows. Guess she forgot to check the temperature first.

Well.... I know that we always talked about going back to Hawaii this year to celebrate our 10th. Looks like it won't be happening due to the expenses we had this year. Guess we'll just have to go outside, sit in the new car and stare at the new paint job on the house. Maybe I'll even spring for a bottle of sparkling wine to drink as we sit there and reflect on the last 10 years. I'm sure we can find a few Goldfish in the back seat to snack on. We'll have to try for Hawaii for our 25th anniversary. Actually, forget that idea because we'll be paying for college tuition at that time!

So.... "Happy Anniversary" Brian.

Here's a "high five" for surviving another year with me and the kids and the vocal dogs and the vomiting cat and the never ending chores that come with owning an OLD house.

And..., by the way, I legally changed my last name yesterday. You are now married to a "Susan Knoll Stage"... no hyphen. Surprise!

Love,

Sue

Preschool Pictures 2009

William and Claudia received their preschool pictures today.

At first I thought there was a mistake.

These couldn't be my children.

They look so grown-up!

My FAVORITE Pancakes

These pancakes are incredible... especially with the warm honey syrup.

Ingredients
2 cups water
1/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup honey
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups pancake and waffle mix (recommended: Krusteaz)
1 cup whole milk ricotta cheese
2/3 cup frozen blueberries
Melted butter

Directions
Stir 1/3 cup of water and sugar in a small saucepan over medium heat until the sugar dissolves, about 5 minutes. Stir in the honey. Set aside and keep the honey syrup warm.

Using a rubber spatula, stir the remaining 1 2/3 cups of water and vanilla in a large bowl. Add the pancake mix and stir just until moistened but still lumpy. Stir in the ricotta into the pancake mixture, then stir gently to incorporate the ricotta but maintain a lumpy batter. Fold in the blueberries.

Heat a griddle over medium heat. Brush with the melted butter. Working in batches, spoon 1/4 cup of batter onto the griddle for each pancake. Cook until golden brown, about 3 minutes per side. Serve with the honey syrup.

Going Nuts

Claudia and I were at the grocery store yesterday where she spotted a large bin of mixed edible nuts.

"What are those?" she asked.

"Nuts in their shells, Claudia. You have to crack the shell open to eat the nut."

"Let's buy some. Nuts are my FAVORITE!"

"Claud, we don't have a nutcracker at home. Otherwise I would buy you some nuts."

"MOM (looking at me as if I am dumber than a box of rocks). We don't need a nutcracker. We have a mallet!"

Better Than Hallmark

Brian and I have been keeping a written journal since we got engaged in 1998. We used to do a pretty good job of writing about places we have visited, big events, the birth of the kids etc. Or at least I thought we had.... it turned out that it has been four years since the last entry. Brian found the journal this past weekend and made time to add an entry for Sweetest Day. Thought I would share.... Shhhh. Don't tell Brian!


Dearest Susan,

Happy Sweetest Day!

To my one and only Sweetie!

I am so thankful to have someone as loving, caring, supportive and kind as you. And thankful that we have two little Sweeties as well!

I truly, truly appreciate all that you are, Susan, all that you do, all that you give. In the four years since I last wrote in this journal (actually 4 1/2 years.. I apologize...) so much has changes in our lives, raising William and Claudia (and our menagerie with our never ending "entertainment"!) yet so much has stayed the same...

I still love you with all my heart and would do anything for you. I do not take for granted what you have brought to my life and how you make our life so wonderful, so meaningful, so interesting. It's comforting to know that we have each other to lean on, to talk to, to share our ideas and concerns with, to smile with when Claudia says, "Be back in a jiff!"

Sharing these moments together and doing our best to enjoy life as much as we can, even when the pace seems so frenetic and there seems to be so much to do....

I thank you for being you and for being my Sweetest, as I am always yours.

All my love,
Brian

The Dangers of Air Guitar

Claudia.

Oh Claudia, Claudia, Claudia.

So you had your first experience with the Valparaiso paramedics last Saturday night. And they weren't here to admire our new sliding glass door (which just happened to be installed by their battalion chief).

Frankly, I'm surprised you held out this long....

The adventure began with an impromptu session of air guitar upstairs. Or should I say "stick" guitar, since the guitars were the sticks from the pirate flags that you and William purchased from the Field Museum. Daddy had cranked up the music and the three of you jammed. While William and Daddy did their best imitation of "stick guitar God", you danced around the room and Mommy innocently watched (cough, cough).

Eventually the concert ended and the crowds dispersed.

I went to brush my teeth (naively assuming that Daddy confiscated the sticks at the end of the concert.......what was I thinking?!) while the rest of you finished getting ready for bed. The next thing Mommy and Daddy heard was you in William's bedroom screaming and gagging.

We rushed down the hallway to see what was happening. You were sitting on the floor crying and still gagging a little, with one of the sticks laying on the ground next to you. Daddy noticed that one end of the stick was wet (the end with the point, as it so happens). Apparently, you had the stick in your mouth and then slipped on the carpet and fell. The stick went down your throat and left abrasions in three different places.... your tongue, the roof of your mouth and the back of your throat.

Still gagging, you were carried down the hall to the bathroom and you began spitting up saliva into the toilet. As you were spitting and crying, I saw droplets of blood on the toilet. Daddy immediately called 911. Even though you appeared to be ok after a few minutes, we waited for the professionals to assess the situation. Meanwhile, Daddy took William next door to Ellie's house.

Within a few minutes we heard the wail of the siren and saw the flashing lights coming up Lafayette St. (I knew there was a reason I installed the new house numbers the other day.....didn't expect them to be needed this soon......).

Daddy went out on the front porch and welcomed in two of Valpo Fire Department's paramedics. The very nice paramedics asked you your name, asked how you were, and explained that they were going to take a look at you. They shined a flashlight down your throat, prescribed a Popsicle and went on their way (after turning on the ambulance lights and siren by your request).

Your throat is still sore, but thankfully nothing was pierced.

A few lessons learned from this episode of "Trauma" (because we aren't big fans of reruns in this household).......

1. No sticks of any kind are allowed in the house
2. Air guitar will remain "air" guitar
3. Popsicles have magical healing powers

My Favorite!

Dear Claudia,

You crack me up! One of the funny things you do is declare everything as your "favorite". For example, as you open your birthday gifts, you smile and loudly state, "This is my favorite!". On to next gift... "This is my favorite!". And so on...

Last week at the grocery store you asked what the purple round vegetable was. I told you it was a head of red cabbage. You insisted I was wrong because it was not red, it was purple (as in DUH.... are you color blind, Mom?) Once you had adequately proven me wrong, you loudly declared your love of purple cabbages...

"OH, purple cabbages. They are my F-A-V-O-R-I-T-E!"

So I suggested we buy one. We could make stuffed cabbages, slaw, kraut, soup ... After I ran through my verbal list of cabbage foods, you made a face and said that you didn't like any of those icky foods.

"But Claudia, I thought cabbage was your favorite?"

"IT IS, MOM!"

Okay then.

Happy Birthday Baby

Dear Baby,

Today is September 17th.... the day you were due. I know that lots of time has passed and no one else realizes that today was supposed to be your birthday. I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten you. I wish that you were here and not in heaven. You would have loved your family. Claudia and William were so excited about you. They couldn't wait to see you and share their toys with you. William liked to rub my tummy and tell me that he could feel you. I'm so sorry that you are not with us today. Happy Birthday Little Baby. God Bless You!!

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Let me preface all this rambling with the fact that this post is not in any particular order and it may not make sense. But I needed to put my thoughts down because I didn't want to forget what had happened in the last several months.

First, let me start with my dream. I had a dream the night of January 1st. The dream was about me holding a small infant. I was leaking milk... a lot of it. I don't remember much else about the dream. I didn't see the baby's face, just a head full of blond hair. Also, the baby was wrapped in a hospital blanket. I never read much into my dreams, at least the majority of the time... and this one didn't mean a whole lot to me either. Although, I was curious as to why I was leaking milk.

Anyway, I had this dream and didn't think much about it until the following day. Brian's dad came over to help Brian install that utility sink that I wanted so badly. They were busy working in the basement and I was upstairs putting clothes away in William's room. I bent down to pick up something.... toys, clothes, I don't remember, and became dizzy. Dizzy enough that I stopped what I was doing. That's when I remembered the dream I had the night before.

Let me add that my cycles are very irregular. The fact that we have two children is a slight miracle. I found out I was pregnant with William a few days after I had left my doctor's office with a prescription for Clomid.... I never had to take the drug. I just got lucky! The same happened with Claudia. We tried once, I was nursing, my cycles were still irregular... and no meds again!

We have always wanted more children, but it's hard the timing was never quite right. Two little ones who are 13+ months apart is a lot of work. Then William had his prolonged seizure and was on medication for a year. It was a stressful year... not the best time to be adding to the chaos.

So the time was finally right, but it is hard to reproduce when you have two little ones in the house. No further explanation needed there......... Sooo... we got lucky again..... a miracle.

Back to the dizzy spell.... I immediately thought of the dream and checked the calendar, saw that it was day 28 of my cycle (which pretty much meant nothing, but I checked anyway). Brian, his dad, and the kids had left for the hardware store. I found a pregnancy test in the bathroom. I did the test incorrectly because I am impulsive and didn't read the directions. You're probably wondering, "how can you potty on a stick incorrectly?" Well, I decided to potty in a cup, not directly on the stick. I held the stick in the cup for 5 seconds, not the recommended 20 seconds. It looked like a negative sign came up on the stick, but then after a few minutes a faint positive line appeared. Faint, as in questionable. It was then I decided to actually read the directions. That's when I found out I had not held the stick in the cup for the correct amount of time and that it would have been better to have tested first thing in the morning (I knew this part, but I didn't want to wait for the next morning to test).

The clan came back from the store and I whispered to Brian that I thought I might be pregnant and showed him the stick. The positive line was definitely darker, but I still had my doubts.

Instead of making a trip to the drugstore that afternoon, I decided to wait until later that evening. So after dinner out, we stopped by the drugstore to pick up another test. We purchased the box with 2 tests.... just in case I messed up again. We went home, I ran for the bathroom. I know I should have waited for the following morning, but why wait? To make things easier to read, we bought the digital tests that actually displayed the word(s) "pregnant / not pregnant".

Would you believe it actually read "pregnant"?! I couldn't believe it... Brian either!

The following morning. I used the second test and once again (this time very quickly) it read "pregnant" again.

I don't remember much after this... I tried to make an appointment with my midwife, but she was in Aruba for two weeks. I did go in to have my blood work done and then went back to the office on January 26th. All seemed to be fine. I left with a huge bag of pregnancy information and samples of prenatal vitamins (which I was already taking). We scheduled an ultrasound for Thursday, January 29th to determine an exact due date.

I went in on that Thursday for the ultrasound. The tech was as personable as a rock... but I won't vent about that now. I saw our little baby on the screen, heart beating.... I knew at that moment that I loved that little baby with all my heart. Seeing that image on the screen made the pregnancy so real for me! Brian, however, didn't go into the room with me during the ultrasound because he was watching the kids in the waiting room. The tech offered to have a staff member watch the children so that Brian could see the baby but I declined. I regret this now. I would give anything to reverse the decision I made at that time.

The tech told me that the due date was September 17th, the day after Claudia's 4th birthday. I was exactly 7 weeks at the time. I don't usually argue with technology, but I didn't think that was quite right... I know the only day we tried... which meant Brian's sperm must have VERY long shelf life!

We decided not to tell the kids right away. We waited to tell them the week of February 8th. We brought them into the front room (aka "the parlor"), sat them down and told them that Mommy had a baby in her tummy. They were so excited and full of questions. Claudia said she would not share her crib...of course, she hadn't slept in the crib for a long time, but still insisted it could not be used unless it was painted pink or blue. Claudia also insisted that the baby be named "Claudia" (isn't one enough?!?), then later changed the name to "Sally". William was excited and wanted to name the baby Zachariah after his buddy at preschool.

We eventually told our family members about the baby. Claudia told Mimi and Papa over the phone. It took a few seconds for, "Mommy has a baby in her tummy" to register with Mimi!

Everything seemed to be going well until Tuesday, February 17th. I started spotting that morning. I immediately paged Brian at work and called the doctor's office. Then I called Gayle and she came over to help with the kids.

While on the phone with the doctor's office, the midwife's nurse told me to relax (as if that was going to happen) and drink water. If the bleeding got heavier or I started cramping to call the office.

Brian called the house, left his meeting and came home because I was hysterical. After Brian came home, he called the doctor's office and asked if we could come in for an ultrasound. They checked the schedule and told us to come in in an hour. The office is 45 minutes away. As we were getting ready to leave for the office, William was brushing his teeth and said, "Mommy, I hope you feel better". He saw me crying when Brian came home. I had tried to stay calm, but lost it when Brian walked in the door. Poor William. I probably scared the daylights out of him.

We made our way to the office, me drinking my water for the ultrasound. I was shaking and attempting to make small talk with Brian on the way to the office. I told him that Gayle said she had spotted before and all turned out fine.... I was praying for the same outcome for myself.

We arrived at the office, I checked in and sat down.... surrounded by pregnant women. The receptionist left the sliding glass partition open after checking me in. I saw the ultrasound tech come in and heard my name, "Susan Knoll... I don't know why she's here... Go check with Connie (the nurse)." I wanted to stand up and yell, "I can hear you. I'm sitting right here waiting to find out if we're going to lose our baby!"

The tech finally came to the door and introduced herself. If she had taken a second to look at my chart, she would have seen that she had done my ultrasound a few weeks ago.... "Hello, you were the one to show me my baby, the heart beating and gave me a due date," I thought. She brought us back, told me to hike down my pants to mid thigh and plopped the gel on my abdomen. She brought up my uterus on the screen, paused and told me that I needed to empty my bladder because she needed to do a trans vaginal . I quickly hiked up my pants, scurried to the bathroom and emptied my bladder while praying the whole time that everything was okay. I returned to the room, she told me to undress from the waist down... as she left the room for me to undress, I questioned Brian, "Did you see anything on the screen.... Did you see the baby... did you see the heart beating..." I did have a look at the screen, saw my uterus, saw the baby and saw that nothing was moving.

When she came back in, she turned the screen so that we couldn't see anything, explained that she had to do all the same things she did the first time around... measure everything, check my ovaries, etc. The midwife didn't come in, the nurse did not come in. The tech didn't volunteer any information. I assumed the worst. When all was over, she escorted us to the next room and told us that the midwife would be in to talk to us. We knew.

The first to come in the room was the nurse, Connie, with a long face. All I could say was, "She wouldn't let us see the screen." We waited forever for the midwife to come in the room. After she came in, she told us that our baby had stopped growing right after the last ultrasound... not much more than seven weeks. She gave me my options..... D&C, medication to move things along, or to wait and miscarry naturally. I heard what she was saying, but never listened.

All I was concerned about was finding the baby after it passed regardless of it's small size. I didn't want the baby scraped out of me and taken to a lab for testing. I was scared that we would never find our baby if I miscarried naturally and it would be flushed. That's when the midwife told me there could be a chance that I would find it. If I did, the Catholic hospital would cremate the baby for me and it would be buried at the Catholic cemetery in Crown Point. She told me to think about my three choices and get back to her the following day. Connie drew blood and we left with a handful of tissues which I still have in my coat pocket. We made it to the car and I sobbed. I know the statistics involved with miscarriage, I am aware that most of my family and friends have experienced the same loss, but I was still in shock. Surely this could not be happening to us. Why did God choose us?

We didn't know what to do, but knew that driving home and facing the kids was not really an option, so we drove a few minutes away to Brian's parents' house. Thank God his dad was home and his mom arrived home shortly after.

After leaving their house, we went home. As soon as we walked in the door William asked how the visit to the doctor was. I hesitated and then told the kids that our baby had died and went to heaven to be with God and Grandpa. Claudia gasped, but I knew she didn't really understand. Claudia asked when there would be another baby. William looked puzzled. I could tell he was trying to make sense out of what I had just old him. He did ask if the baby was still in my tummy. When I told him yes, he wanted to know how it would come out. I avoided that question because I didn't know how to answer him.

That was Tuesday. I asked Brian to stay home the following day. I chose to miscarry naturally, not really understanding what entirely was involved, but I was determined to avoid medication and surgery (at all costs). I didn't know what to do with myself so I cleaned the house. I wandered around looking for things to do, straightened things, put toys away.... waiting for cramps. I waited and waited. The midwife told me that since I had already started bleeding, that she didn't think I would have to wait very long.

Not very long turned out to be Friday afternoon, late afternoon. Brian and I took William to school that afternoon, dropped Claudia off at my mom's and ran errands. We went to the pet store for dog food, went to Target and also went to Marshall's to return a pair of gym shoes that didn't fit William. After Brian returned from picking up the kids, I started bleeding heavily (or at least what I thought was heavy). I ended up sitting in the bathroom for two hours. There was no point in leaving because as soon as I did so, I had to return. Things got worse and we called Brian's parents and asked them to take the kids out for supper.

Mimi, Papa and the kids returned after 7:00 pm. By that time, I had already called the midwife on call (not mine) who informed me I should probably be at the ER because I most likely needed the D&C. I didn't like what she had to say so Brian called my friend at home to get my midwife's home phone number.

The midwife informed me that if I was able to say that I didn't want to go to the hospital, I was probably going to be okay. She had originally told me that if I was soaking through a pad an hour, I should be concerned. I was soaking through a pad every 10 minutes and passing blood clots the size of my fist. She also reminded me that if I was able to find the fetus to bring it in to the office.

I continued to pass blood and large clots until 3:00 am. During the course of the evening, I laid down in bed several times only to wake up several minutes later to a gush of blood and the odd feeling of clots and tissue leaving my body. Once I sneezed and found that I soaked through two old towels and an old blanket.

Thank God for Brian. Every time I went to the bathroom and wiped, I came up with a handful of clots.... all of which he put into a container to scan for a baby. Some of you may think we are crazy, but like I said, I was determined not to flush our baby down the toilet.

The sad thing is that we never did find the baby. The midwife told us that we might not find the baby. It could have been in one of the clots. It may not be recognizable. It might stay in my body and be reabsorbed.

I am still bothered by the fact that we never did find the baby. There is nothing tangible to grieve. All I had was an ultrasound picture, a few pregnancy tests and used tissues from the office. Nothing to hold. No footprints, no hand prints, no lock of hair.

*************************************************

Today is Friday, February 27. Over a week since we originally learned of our loss. The kids are still confused. They haven't said much, but both have been acting out, arguing with each other and crying a lot. William has been busy picking up toys in his room and attempting to make his bed. He then brings me upstairs, tells me to close my eyes, and then shows me the "surprise". Claudia sets up her kitchen, and pretends to feed me her special "recipes". She then asks me if I feel better.

I guess the same goes for Brian and me. We're still confused and angry. We have not been very good about disguising our anger and grief from the kids. During one of our heated arguments about me not wanting to return phone calls, we found William hiding under the sheets in his bed. It's hard to hide the stress we are feeling.

Through all of this, I am thankful that we have family close by to help out with the kids and to offer their support and prayers. I didn't not understand what my family and friends were going through at the time of their losses, but I now know that the amount a grief a person feels is not based on the size of the casket. I know God has put this experience in our lives for a reason. What that reason may be, I am not sure of yet. I hope that Brian and I can grow from this experience and have the confidence to reach out to others in their time of need.

Once again, thank you to every one who has been finding time to pray for our healing. It means the world to us!!

**************************************************

Well, it's now been a month since we lost the baby. People keep asking me how I'm doing. I tell everyone I'm fine.... the nurse, the midwife, my family and friends. Most days I think I'm fine, but then for some reason tears begin uncontrollably flowing. I can be at the grocery store staring at the selection of tuna and start tearing up. It makes it difficult to go anywhere because I don't have the ability to control my emotions.

My doctor's office called on Friday to let me know the results of my latest blood draw. My hcg level was 7.5. I need to be down to 5 before I can stop with the blood work. I was at 7.5! Isn't that close enough? Apparently not, I need to return in 1-3 weeks to repeat the lab work. This made me cry again.... not actually cry for fear the kids would see me, but tears ran down my face. While I had the midwife on the phone, I questioned her about it being 3 weeks since the miscarriage (heavy bleeding) and I am still bleeding. Her response was that it was normal and would probably stop soon since my numbers were so low. She also asked if it was still heavy enough that I had to use pads. When I responded with "yes", she said that I should be glad that it was not summer and wearing white. I didn't find her comment amusing.

That last several weeks have been rough. I don't have a lot of patience with he kids. Brian works all the time and we rarely see him. I have told Brian that I would like to use my sick / vacation days, but apparently they are not in my "stay at home mom" contract. So now I am thinking about turning in my resignation. Brian laughed, but I'm serious. I think everybody has days when they want to call it quits. Right now, I'm tired of constantly cleaning up after everyone, tired of doing the never-ending laundry, tired of chauffeuring the kids around and tired of cooking for a family that doesn't appreciate my efforts. I just want a few days to sleep without being disturbed, read a book and sit in the warm sun. I don't think that's a whole lot to ask... but it turns out that it is, especially when medical bills are piling up (thanks to the high deductible plan), the house needs to be painted, the gutters replaced and preschool paid for.

I don't really have a good way to end this post, but I do have one last ultrasound picture of the baby. Brian called the office to see if we could have a photo from February 17th. They were able to retrieve a few for me. The doctor said the baby stopped developing since the first ultrasound at 7 weeks, but I can see a difference. My uterus looks larger, as well as the baby. I never asked them if they could pinpoint a date the baby left us, but I think I would like to know. Here's our picture.

God bless.

Claudia

Happy 4th Birthday Claudia!

Dear Claudia,

I can't believe that it was four years ago today you were born. Daddy and I were so excited to be having a little baby girl. On your birthday, Daddy and I headed to the hospital early in the morning. We picked what day you were going to be born so we made arrangements for William to stay with your cousins while we were at the hospital. When we got to the hospital, I checked in and received some medicine (this took ALL day). My doctor came in at 5:00 pm to break my water (I know you don't understand this now, but you will one day) and you were born at 6:20 pm. The doctor said that I deserved an award for the quickest labor and delivery! Thank you very much, Claudia. I certainly appreciated your cooperation =).

You were the prettiest little girl. You had the longest eyelashes, your lips were perfectly curved and your fingers and toes were so precious (you looked just like your Mommy!).

Happy Birthday Claudia. We hope this is your best birthday EVER!!!!!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

First Day of Preschool 2009

Walking to School

Posing in front of our TLC sign

William's First Day of School

Claudia's First Day of Preschool

Claudia's First Day of Preschool

New Stuff - the details

We have another car. It looks like this...

Brian has been driving an employer provided truck for a long time. Therefore, we only owned one car because we didn't need a second vehicle. Well... his employer decided that the employees can longer bring home the trucks overnight (something to do with insurance). He has to leave his truck at the Valparaiso yard (he works for the local utility company) and drive to and from the yard with his own car. Brian's office is in Gary. This means he has to drive 5+ miles southeast of our home to pick up the truck then drive northeast to Gary. This adds about 30 minutes of drive time to his daily commute. Since we didn't have a second vehicle, he has been driving my car to the Valpo yard and leaving me stuck at home.

So we started searching for a second car. We really wanted a Honda Odyssey but it was out of our price range. With all the recent work on our house, we just couldn't afford one. So we ended up finding a kid / dog friendly Element. The seats are waterproof, the floor is covered in rubber. It can literally be swept out and wiped down with a cloth. So the next time, Claudia projectile vomits in the car I won't have to worry about the stench remaining in the fabric!

We have another dog. He looks like this...

This is Snoopy McNugget. He came from the same shelter in Miller, Indiana that Sophie, our first dog, came from. We get regular updates from the Miller shelter via e-mails and Facebook. The updates include fundraisers and pictures of adoptable pets, including McNugget. (Note: Brian has wanted a Westie for 13 years) He's a 5 month old puppy and he's cute... a dog that doesn't stay for a long time in the shelter. We figured he would have been adopted quickly. He was. By us.

We stopped at the shelter on our way to a White Sox game to drop off a donation. While we were there, Brian asked about McNugget. He was still available! We took him out to the grassy area for some play time and Brian and the kids fell in love with him. McNugget played fetch with William which thrilled William because he has been trying to teach an uninterested Sophie to play fetch all summer.

So far he has been great. He gets along with Sophie. He fears the cat, Rosie. He potties outside and sleeps all night (except for the first few nights). He listens better than both kids and never complains. The vet says he's very healthy. We changed his name to Snoopy which he is happy about. He secretly told me the other shelter dogs were calling him "Chicken McNugget". He doesn't like being called a "Chicken". Looks like we found ourselves a little furry teasure!

Coconut Poke Cake

Coconut Poke Cake

INGREDIENTS:

1 (18.25 ounce) package white cake mix

1 (14 ounce) can cream of coconut (usually found in the liquor section of the grocery store)
1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
1 (8 ounce) package flaked coconut
1 (16 ounce) whipped topping OR REAL whipped cream 

DIRECTIONS:

1. Prepare and bake white cake mix according to package directions. Use a 9x13 pan.

2. Mix cream of coconut and sweetened condensed milk together.

3. Remove cake from oven. While still hot, use the handle of a wooden spoon or chopstick to poke holes all over the top of the cake. Pour cream of coconut/sweetened condensed milk mixture over the top of the hot cake. 

4. Let the cake cool in the fridge overnight.

3. Once cake has cooled, frost with the whipped cream/topping and top with the flaked coconut.  Keep cake refrigerated.

FYI:  This cake is the consistency of coconut cream pie!
 

The cast of characters



Start Poking Holes



Adding the cream of coconut and sweetened condensed milk



Time to chill and then add whipped cream and shredded coconut!

 

Lentils

I made this recipe recently. It was delicious!

Did you know that one serving of lentils has 10 grams of protein and 11 grams of fiber? Yup, it's true! So eat your lentils people!

Salmon On a Bed of Lentils

2 1/4 cup water
1 cup brown lentils
Salt and ground black pepper
4 piece (about 6 ounces each) salmon fillet , with skin
1 (to 2) navel oranges
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
2 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon olive oil
1/2 cup (loosely packed) fresh basil leaves
2 medium shallots, finely chopped
1/2 cup (loosely packed) fresh parsley leaves, chopped

DirectionsPreheat oven to 400 degrees F. In 2-quart saucepan, combine water, lentils, and 1/2 teaspoon salt; heat to boiling over high heat. Reduce heat to low; cover and simmer 20 to 30 minutes or until lentils are tender. Drain.

Meanwhile, spray 13" by 9" glass baking dish with nonstick cooking spray. Arrange salmon in prepared dish, skin side down. Sprinkle with 1/4 teaspoon salt and 1/8 teaspoon pepper. Roast salmon 15 to 20 minutes or just until opaque throughout.

While salmon is roasting, prepare orange-basil dressing: From oranges, grate 1 teaspoon peel and squeeze 1/3 cup juice. In small bowl, whisk orange peel and juice with mustard, 2 tablespoons oil, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/8 teaspoon pepper. Stir in basil.

In nonstick 10-inch skillet, heat remaining 1 teaspoon oil over medium heat. Add shallots and cook 2 minutes, stirring. Stir in lentils. Remove skillet from heat; stir in parsley and half of dressing (about 1/4 cup). Spread lentil mixture on platter. Arrange salmon on top of lentils and drizzle with remaining dressing.

A Big Announcement !!!!!

Our Inspiration House

We finally did it! After several weeks of deep thought, help from the neighbors and family and numerous trips to the store for paint samples, WE HAVE CHOSEN A COLOR FOR OUR HOUSE! Actually, we chose three colors. One for the walls, one for the accent and one for the trim.

We thought this would be an easy decision, but were we WRONG!

The whole process started with our painter dropping off a "few" paint samples for us. The "few" samples ended up being a large box with numerous books containing thousands of colors. Yes, thousands. Our neighbor, and personal consultant of colors, helped us search for the ultimate color for the walls. He was a great help until he realized that he could use these color samples to pick out colors for his future guitars (he has a slight obsession with ordering custom-made guitars). After that, we were on our own.

We started looking at greens because our house is currently green (as in Fannie May Meltaway green), but we wanted something darker, more updated. We found a color that we thought would be perfect, headed to the paint store for a sample, came home and painted a section of the garage with the paint. It turned out that the color was exactly the same as the one currently on the house!!! The sample in the book looked so much darker - I swear!

So.....back to the books... and several car trips around Valpo and Crown Point searching for the perfect colors.

Crown Point is full of old homes, including Queen Anne Victorians like ours. We found a few houses painted blue (not green) with different accent colors. Vibrant blues. They were beautiful, but maybe a little too bright for our corner-lot house (we would stand out like a sore thumb... just like the purple house kitty corner from us and we don't want to become "that house").

We eventually found the color we were looking for on an old home in downtown Crown Point. Blue, but not too bold. Brian went up to the house and started matching up our fan of paint samples with the wall of the house. I yelled at him that he better ring the doorbell before someone called the police. He rang the bell, stood on the porch talking to someone I presumed was the owner, and then disappeared into the house!

Meanwhile, I am sitting in our car with Claudia and William. They entertained themselves by engaging in a vigorous slapfest, periodically taking time out to claim extreme dehydration or beg for Daddy's return. As this was taking place, Brian was (as we found out later) taking a leisurely tour of the house while discussing paint selections and the merits of historical homes and stained glass windows with the owner (who happened to be the mother of one of my former students)! After what seemed like 4 hours, he emerged with a tri-fold of Benjamin Moore paint samples and the exact colors of the house! I graciously thanked him for abandoning me and leaving me trapped with our two angelic children.....

That said, the only way we could hope to survive the 35 minute trip home was to succumb to the children's demands for Dairy Queen.......

After our DQ treat, we drove home and picked up some samples to match the Benjamin Moore colors. We painted a section of the garage and then stared in disbelief. Instead of a blue, it looked more like a battleship gray.
"There's no way possible that it's the same color of the Crown Point house!" I insisted. "You must not have heard her correctly!"

So...... back to the paint store again, tri-fold in hand, with a request for more colors. By this time our garage was starting to look like an advertisement for Benjamin Moore!

The following weekend, we made another trip to Crown Point for one last look at "the house." As soon as we approached, I knew that I was wrong. The color was not the light blue I recalled, but more of a gray blue (Knoxville Gray to be exact)......as in, the exact color that the two foot swath of our garage currently was!

The lady was correct, Brian was correct, the paint sample was correct. I was wrong!

So we have decided that our house is going to be Knoxville Gray, Monroe Bisque and Garrison Red. This decision better be the right one. If not, we are looking at one expensive mistake!

Happy Birthday Captain William

William,

You had an awesome 5th birthday! Your pirate party was a week before your real birthday. Everyone had a great time celebrating with you. You received wonderful gifts too... a Lionel train, a family pass to the Field Museum, a Bomber jacket, dinosaurs and lots of pirate Lego's!

On your real birthday weekend, we went to swim class and then went to the Field Museum to see giant dinosaur skeletons and the Pirate exhibit. You took lots of pictures with your new camera. After the museum, we played in the grassy area by Lake Michigan. You and Claudia had loads of fun rolling down the big hills!

On Sunday, we stayed home and celebrated your big day. You requested pasta and meatballs for supper and cupcakes (which Daddy helped you make... a first for Daddy) and spumoni for dessert. What a great day!

Happy Birthday Little Guy!!!!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

A few pictures from William's birthday party.....

Treasure !!!

William and Mommy

Our Favorite Neighbor


Pirate Claudia


Captain William

Quotes of the Day

Mom, I'll still hug you when I'm five."
William, the almost 5 year old.

"This applesauce tastes like beer."
Claudia making an accurate statement.

Here's One For Viola

Thought you might enjoy this one Mom!

(Side Note: My dad was a Hamm's Beer distributor in Chicago for many years)

From the Land of Sky Blue Waters,
From the land of pines' lofty balsams,
Comes the beer refreshing,
Hamm's the beer refreshing.
Brewed where nature works her wonders,
Aged for many moons, gently mellowed,
Hamm's the beer refreshing,
Hamm's the beer refreshing.
From across the rippling water,
Through the whisp'ring pines and birches,
Comes the beer refreshing,
Hamm's the beer refreshing.
Comes a call to cool enchantment,
Comes a call to cool refreshment,
Hamm's the beer refreshing,
Hamm's the beer refreshing.
Hints of lakes and sunset breezes,
Dance and sparkle in each glassful,
Hamm's the beer refreshing,
Hamm's the beer refreshing.
From the Land of Sky Blue Waters,
From the land of pines' lofty balsams,
Comes the beer refreshing,
Hamm's the beer refreshing.
Brewed where nature works her wonders,
Aged for many moons, gently mellowed,
Hamm's the beer refreshing,
Hamm's the beer refreshing.
From across the rippling water,
Through the whisp'ring pines and birches,
Comes the beer refreshing,
Hamm's the beer refreshing.
Comes a call to cool enchantment,
Comes a call to cool refreshment,
Hamm's the beer refreshing,
Hamm's the beer refreshing.
Hints of lakes and sunset breezes,
Dance and sparkle in each glassful,
Hamm's the beer refreshing,
Hamm's the beer refreshing.

Hot Fun In The Summertime

Enjoying summer here at the Stage house. We went to Michigan for a week with Brian's extended family. The weather was cold but we had a good time and the kids had a ball. Both William and Claudia caught their first fish!!! A bunch of fish actually. Papa couldn't keep the worms coming fast enough! We also took the kids around the lake on a boat ride, which they both enjoyed. William enjoyed the whole boat ride.......Claudia enjoyed it until she fell asleep!

The kids are enjoying their outdoor time. They have been playing with their next door neighbor friend Ellie almost every day. It's so much fun to watch them play. I love the sound of the bikes and big wheels riding up and down the driveway. They have been having loads of fun playing on the swing set (all 3 kids now know how to pump...I told them they have all joined the "swingers' club"!!!). They also enjoy making sand "guacamole" (the girls like Mexican), playing ball, swimming in Elllie's pool and just being kids. This summer is so much different than last year when they played side by side, but not together.

William was stung by his first bumblebee this past weekend. He was stung twice.... once on his upper lip and once on the bridge of his nose. Both areas swelled up, but he survived after a few necessary tears.

Claudia has been sleeping without guardrails on her bed. She's so excited to finally have a "big girl" bed. The first night she fell off the bed twice. Normally this would not be such a big deal, but it was for her. She is still wearing leg braces every night. She CAN'T walk in the braces.
I woke up to some commotion in the hall, assuming it was the cat, but it was really Claudia, army crawling into my bedroom!
"I fell out of bed", she moaned, "I'm okay".
Then it happened again and she once again army crawled into my room.
Poor Claudia. I can't wait for her to be done with those silly braces! Since that first night, she has remained in bed without any falls.

On a sad note, my dad's brother passed away. He lived a long and happy life and always had a smile on his face. We will miss him, but he is reunited with his wife that he lost 18 years ago and I am positive that he is happy to be with her again.

William's 5th birthday is coming up. His birthday party is this Saturday. He's going with a pirate theme this year. Aarrrrr matey! Should be a fun time!

A STAR IS BORN !!!!!!

Randy and Brian

Brian wearing his Papa's vintage suit and fedora

Filming in Joliet

Last night we had the opportunity to attend Crown Point, Indiana's movie premiere of "Public Enemies" starring Brian Stage and other lessor known actors such as Johnny Depp and Christian Bale. To make the evening even more special, we were joined by my beautiful sister and her handsome husband.

Our evening began with a ride on a trolley to the Hall of Justice in Crown Point. At the Hall of Justice, we checked in and then walked the red carpet with my movie star husband. Then we headed next door to the Old Sheriff's House and Jail, where scenes from the movie were filmed. We were taken on a guided tour of the jail and had the opportunity to see all the areas where the movie was filmed as well as the four bunk cell from the 1928 section of the jail where Dillinger was actually housed (this was not in the film).

Hall of Justice

Side note: prior to the filming of the movie, the jail was not open to the public except for sporadic tours. The local teenagers (Brian and his brother included) often broke into the jail late at night to explore.

Old Sheriff's House and Jail

After the tour, we headed back to the Hall of Justice for a few hours of wining and dining at the VIP party. Many people were dressed in 1930's dresses and suits. Brian wore his Papa's vintage 3 piece suit and fedora. During the party there were comments from the mayor of Crown Point, the sheriff's of both Lake & Porter Counties, and representatives from the Old Sheriff's House and Jail Foundation (to whom the party's proceeds went) and Film Indiana, along with raffles and an auction of an authentic Thompson submachine gun ("Tommy gun") used during the Dillinger incidents in 1934.

After the party, we all drove to the theatre for the premiere. We had great center seats and were loaded down with popcorn and drinks, our eyes fixed on the screen, trying not to blink in case there was a slim chance we might see Brian. And then a star was born.......

BRIAN WAS IN THE FILM!!!!!!

The very first scene is prisoners marching at the Michigan City State Penitentiary (it was actually filmed at Joliet's Stateville Prison). Brian is 6th in line. You can't see his face, but we knew it was him because of his height (he is the shortest ;-).

The second scene takes place in the Shirt Shop of the prison. The prisoners walk into the shop and sit down at their sewing machines to begin work.

BRIAN IS IN THE CENTER OF THE SCREEN!!!!!

Sandy brown hair...scar on his face, which the make-up crew made even more pronounced for the film. We are guessing he had about five seconds of screen time!!

Brian also made the local newspaper. Check it out!