What In The World?

Yesterday I checked to see who has been reading my blog.

To my surprise, it was more than my usual two readers. It appears that the "I Have A Potty Mouth" post drew in quite a crowd.... Who new that the "Diarrhea Song" had a worldwide fan club?!?

I actually had an asstronomical number of hits from all over the world! Of course, I immediately assumed there was an error. Surely no one would be reading my blog! Especially not people from the other side of the world! I can't even get my family members to read it!

I am not sure what people were searching for that linked them to my blog, butt (ha-ha) somehow they got here and read my crap! As my friend, Brenda, said, "Simple - put in "diarrhea song" and they come a'runnin. LOL (Pun slightly intended)".

Brian thinks people were linked to my posts due to the "Olympic" entries.

I, on the other hand, would like to believe that the world is united by explosive poop!

Two Burgers and a Small Fry

This past weekend, some of our favorite friends, the Burgers, came from Minnesota for a visit. We had a great time with them (the 2 Burgers) and their daughter (the small fry). Yes, I know this joke is overused but I couldn't help myself.

They arrived Friday evening and we went to dinner at Pesto's in Valpo. The kids were so excited to see Katie. Claudia jumped up and down on her chair waving and chanting, "Katie, here I am. Katie, here I am."

On Saturday, we hung out at Viola's neighborhood pool. And in the evening, everyone came to our house for some grilled Burgers (of course). The kids had a great time playing in the yard and playing dress-up.

Snow White, a Firewoman and Minnie Mouse

On Sunday, we headed for the Dunes for a picnic lunch and some beach time. The water was calm, the sun was out and the beach was packed!

The kids had a blast at the Dunes playground.

The Castle

Help!

While swimming, the kids used Uncle Randy as a HUMAN WATER SLIDE - an activity only legal in 3 states! Uncle Randy perched each child on his shoulder and yelled, "Human Water Slide!" as each child propelled off his shoulder, down his belly, through the air and into the water.

Disclaimer: Do Not Attempt This At Home.

The Burgers left Valpo on Monday for Macomb, Il where they are visiting family. Can't wait to see them again!

I Have A Potty Mouth

Being a parent of young children and a former educator, I know a lot of children's' songs. I often sing to the kids at home. We sing all the familiar songs such as "Old MacDonald", "Twinkle, Twinkle" and "Mary Had a Little Lamb. Occasionally, I loose control of my mouth, and mutter a few inappropriate songs. Really pisses (pun intended) Brian off butt (punn intended again) he can't stop me. After all, spending a full day with two little ones, EVERY DAY can sometimes cause my mouth to leak! (get it, LEAK, LOL)!!!!

I'm sure you know which songs I'm talking about:

"Do Your **** Hang Low?"
"I Have a Skeeter On My Peeter"

Then there is my all time favorite- "The Diarrhea Song",
"When your sliding into first....".

Well, I couldn't remember all the lyrics. It was driving me nuts so I decided to do a little research. Yes, I GOOGLED "The Diarrhea Song". I got a butt load of results too! Did you know "The Diarrhea Song" has it's own website? I signed up for the fan club. Just kidding.

Here are my results:

The Essential Structure of The Diarrhea Song—Broken Up By Elements

1. A scene-setting preposition, usually just one word will do. Classically, this has taken the form of “When”.

2. The first free-form part of The Song, this should further develop a sense of place, time, urgency, activity or any other useful stage on-which Diarrhea could plausibly occur. The only true requirement for this element is that it rhyme with element #4, below.

3. Insert the mandatory conjunction AND. There are very few hard rules in creation of The Diarrhea Song, the use of and in the middle is a tradition, and as such, an exception to the rule. Please use it.

4. The second free-form part of The Song, this is the punch line. It is here that it will be revealed how one knows that it is, in fact Diarrhea, and not something else. In other words, describe the result of the Diarrhea (i.e.. “You feel something burst”). Keep in mind that this should rhyme with element #2.

5. Add the famous ending that truly identifies your work as part of the long legacy of The Diarrhea Song: "Diarrhea, Diarrhea". If you are a traditionalist, you may prefer the more automata-poetic, "Diarrhea, Plop, Plop, Diarrhea". Both variations are correct, according to the linguistics department.

TIP: When finished, read through it several times, recite it in your head and consider alterate wording if the meter of the verse or affect of the joke are not top caliber. There is a certain cadence that cannot be taught and is reflected in only the finest variations of The Diarrhea Song.
(taken from the Diarrhead Song website)

For those of you who are straining to know, here are the lyrics:

If you're driving in a Chevy and you feel something heavy Diarrhea. PBFF! PBFF! Diarrhea.
If you're sitting on the grass and a spider bites your ***
If you're walking down the hall and you feel something fall
If you're walking up a ladder and you hear something splatter
When you're sliding into first and feel something burst
While you're waiting in a line, there's an explosion from behind
If you feel something slimy and it's coming from your hiney
If there's a stench in the air coming from your underwear
If you are walking through a shop and you hear something plop
If you are handing over cash and you hear a splash
If you're getting out of bed and it's comin' down your leg
If you're walking down the aisle and it comes out in a pile
If you're on top of a mountain and you see a big fountain
If you're sliding into third and you feel a juicy turd
Some people think it's really gross, but it's really good on toast Diarrhea.
When you're at Pizza Hut and something comes out your butt
When you're sitting in class and something wiggles out your ***
When your walking down the road and your nappy overflows
You were sitting in the park and you flooded Noah's ark Diarrhea.
When your sitting on the loo and you have a sloppy poo
What you ate last night, you thought was mar mite Diarrhea.
When your feeling slightly queasy and it comes out like a cheesy
If you lay down for a nap and woke up with a crap
It's really really smelly and it mixes well with jelly
You've put some in your pocket and your bum becomes a rocket
Diarrhea. PBFF! PBFF! Diarrhea. PBFF! PBFF!

In the Hangar

On Thursday night The Stage Family was invited to preview the Chicago Air and Water Show from the NISOURCE Hangar at the Gary/ Chicago International Airport. Since we were invited to the airport, we only saw the "air" part of the show.

It was one spectacular air show!

There were fighter planes everywhere. On the ground and in the air zipping over our heads. One of the NISOURCE pilots told me what they were but I can't remember. It was a F-1 or was it a F-18? Anyway, there was a bunch of "F-ers" flying around- climbing vertically, diving and flying upside down.

It was soooooo loud that we had to wear headgear!

We also saw some little planes do all kinds of synchronized flying. Stream of smoke, lights...

The "Blue Angel" planes were on the ground next to our hangar.

Also, outside the hangar was the Army's Golden Knights plane. We watched all the paratroopers suit up, load into the plane, take off and jump! It was dark when they jumped, so they wore giant sparklers which was really cool to watch as they made their way to the landing site.

William and Claudia were treated to front row seats in NISOURCE'S helicopter and small plane.

It was an incredible show. Plus we didn't have to fight Chicago traffic.

If anyone wants to go next year, let us know!

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday to Great Grandma Betty!

Happy birthday Grandma Betty.

We think you're really cool.

We love to splash in your pool.

We wish you didn't live so far away.

We hope you have a wonderful day!

Olympic-Sized Deposit

Well, it turns out that the Olympic diving team from Indiana motivated Claudia to unload a deposit of Olympic proportions into her Princess potty! Just as the two divers hit the water, Claudia shouted,"I pooped in the potty!".

Yeah, synchronized diving, Yeah princess potty, Yeah poop!

She didn't earn a gold medal, but she did get a tasty package of Skittles!

P.S. My neighbor, Cindy, just congratulated Claudia on her outstanding performance.
How did she know? Well, apparently "the neighborhood was deathly quiet when we heard Susan shout out the window (Brian was outside) 'Claudia pooped on the potty'."

Date Night??? Us???

On Saturday, Brian and I were supposed to go out with another married couple. I made arrangements for Grandma Viola to watch the kids. I was looking forward to a night out. No kids, someone waiting on me, hot food and cold beverages. What else could be better? Well, actually, I can think of a lot of things, but a night out would have to do.

Saturday afternoon, Julie, our friend, called and left a message saying that they had to reschedule because her husband, Mike was sick. "Rats!" I thought (vocabulary edited to keep this blog at least somewhat clean). I was looking forward to getting together with them, doing some reminiscing, and drinking those cold beverages. I was about to call Grandma to let her know that the kids would not be coming over to her house.... until I realized that Brian and I could go out together, with each other, just the two of us, as in a date!!!!

We haven't had a dinner date in at least 15 years!!! Seriously.

We packed up the kids, dropped them off at Grandma's and headed to downtown Valpo.
Where to go?- as if Valpo offers an array of options... We stopped in at the new restaurant, Papparrazi, but they were hosting a private party. We kept walking and reached the Old Style (aka Old Pile). Been there, done that. Kept walking... Pikk's Tavern was next on our walking route. We decided to try it.


It was great. The inside of the restaurant had an urban feel. As a matter of fact, if I did not look out the front window, I could have easily been convinced that I was in the city (Chicago, that is).

The service was awesome. Our waiter, Sam, was nice to look at (yes, this does make a difference!), the Bells Oberon (my cold beverage) was yummy, the food was pretty good, and the dessert, towering chocolate cake, was to die for!

Brian and I had a great time together. We actually spoke to each other without being interrupted 1014 times, we had cold drinks, a hot meal and we were able to remain seated for more than two minutes (believe me, none of these luxuries are to be taken for granted!!!).

After dinner, we walked around the square (it was a beautiful evening), then went to pick up the kids before returning home to let out the dog.

Even though Claudia pooped all over Grandma's comforter (again!!!), and then we were greeted by dog poop in the upstairs hallway (again on that item too!!!....next time Sophie can stay outside!), our date night was well worth it....every minute of it!

Back to the real world!

I AM A Redneck Part 2

Thought I would share with you some of the pictures we took at the fair.
I really did enjoy myself, especially the combine demolition derby. There's nothing like watching giant pieces of farm machinery smash into each other!


Mimi, Claudia, William and Brian




Guess what everyone is getting for Christmas?




I'm at a loss for words.




Mile high ice cream with Mimi.



Giant Cock (well, that's what is!)



Eating cotton candy after the mile high ice cream.



Only in Indiana would someone name a combine 'BOB".

Holy Kicking Cow, Batman

Claudia and William talking "pig".

Haute Cuisine at it's best!

The sign didn't say anything about hand gestures.....

I AM A Redneck!!!

On Thursday, we went to the Lake County Fair in Crown Point, IN. I don't have much of a background in county fairs. I came from Cook County in IL. I don't even know if Cook County has a fair. If it did, what would the fair consist of?.... A blue ribbon for the biggest street rat? Drug runner demolition derby? And, of course, those famous pig races would consist of Chicago cops ticketing cars in no parking zones.

At any rate, I really don't understand why county fairs draw so many people. Is it the 4-H stuff, the fabulous entertainment, the healthy food, the safe carnival rides?.... I just don't get it.

I will say that the Lake County Fairgrounds are very scenic. There's tons of trees, a small lake, a grandstand, buildings and paved areas to walk. In fact, I used to walk through the fairgrounds a lot when we lived in Crown Point. It always amazes me how such a beautiful area can be converted to a giant festival full of foul smelling animals, greasy food and mutant size vegetables.

Pumpkin pie anyone?

Despite my lack of interest, I decided to go for the kids. I knew they would love to see the animals, ride the rides, eat frozen chocolate-covered bananas and gawk at the overgrown produce.

(How can anyone actually win a blue ribbon for the biggest leek?!?)

Also, Thursday evening is the night for the----

COMBINE DEMOLITION DERBY!!!!!!!!!!!

I've never been to a demolition derby, cars or combines, but I was christened on Thursday. I believe that I am now an official Hoosier Redneck.

Home Again

The Six Pack "on the rocks"

We arrived home last night in time for the BIG storm. Never seen one so big. The thunder and lightening were awesome! William did not agree.

Our trip was a lot of fun. We finally arrived at Glacier Canyon around 4:00. Just in time to check into the condo and grab a bite to eat. Then went to two water parks. Glacier Canyon has a great outdoor lazy river. It has several levels, shoots you down a slide and even up a conveyor belt. Made me queasy (even after two Dramamine) but the kids loved it! We then went to an indoor park- just as much fun.

On Sunday, we went to the Wilderness outdoor park, visited with family and swam. The kids were tired and crabby so we left in the afternoon and headed toward Madison. Spent the night there, swam in the hotel pool and then headed back home.

We stopped in Palatine and drove through Mommy's old neighborhood. It was nice to see the old houses and the neighborhood. (Brenda, we drove passed your old house too. Looks a lot different!) William explained to Claudia, "These are Mommy's old houses, but they are new to the people who live in them now.". He's better at explaining things to her than I am. Plus she listens to him.

House #1 and House #2

Brenda's house

We then drove to St. Michael's Cemetery to see my dad. As we drove through the front gates (aka the "flood" gates), my eyes swelled with tears. Never fails. It's been almost 7 years and and it still makes me cry.

The kids asked where we were. Brian told them were going to see Mommy's Daddy. Claudia became confused and told Brian, "You're our Daddy.".

William set her straight by explaining, " We're going to see our Grandpa. He died and now he's in the cemetery." Like I said, he's much better at explaining things to Claud. I don't think he understands the whole death thing or why we put people in the ground but he was happy to be there.


Brian showed the kids Grandpa's headstone which they later referred to as "Grandpa's Rock". William showed Grandpa his baseball bat. Claudia did a little dance on the rock. Notice her shoes as on the wrong feet.

We left the cemetery for supper. Stopped in at Woodfield Mall (still smells the same) and ate at the Rain Forest Cafe. The kids had fun. Since the place is noisy and full of kids, Brian and I relaxed.

Left there for a quick stop at Land's End and Nordstrom Rack. Claudia found a really cute lavender sweater and a bright tie-dyed raincoat at Land's End. William found a long sleeve top with a bi-plane which he "had to have". I found a really cute linen dress and an awesome necklace at Nordstrom but he prices were high. $74.00 for the dress and $95.00 for the necklace. Loved them but didn't need them.

It was nice to drive around the neighborhood, Plum Grove Estates (land of sprawling 1960's ranches), but it wasn't the same as I remembered. Even though the majority of the homes have been updated, have beautiful landscaping etc... it somehow seemed dated. Schaumburg, too, is looking old. The store fronts look a little less then perfect, the roads need to be repaved and it's way too congested. It was fun to drive around and visit but I'm not in a hurry to go back!