God, Help Me!

Last night after a full day at the pumpkin patch we went to 5:30 mass. Brian had to do both readings because reader #1 didn't show up. Since the kids were tired and a little cranky and I knew Brian would be gone for the first chunk of the mass, I took the kids into the "Crying Room" instead of the church. Two other families had the same idea.

When the kids asked where Dad was, I told them he would be back after he read the "stories". They looked at each other. They looked at me. Then they started.

Claudia immediately began to display her love of God by growling at a little girl every time the girl got too close to her. "This is going to be a long mass," I thought...........

Claudia then proceeded to remove her underwear. Since she was wearing a dress, this wasn't quite the feat it might otherwise be, but this was no place for me to congratulate her on her abilities to undress. I quietly told her to leave the underwear on. "We don't take off our clothes in church" I whispered through clenched teeth. She smiled and once again began to strip. I grabbed her and hiked her princess panties back up.

The spiritual struggle for supremacy was just beginning..........

"I have something MUSHY in my underwear!!!" she shouted. The two other families turned their heads away from us and acted as if they didn't hear her. They were probably relieved it wasn't their children with mushy undies....

I carted both kids back to the bathroom (conveniently located, thank God, at the back of the room).

Nothing in the undies! Claudia nonchalantly gave me the, "duh, I knew that" look.......aaggghhhh. She did proceed to go potty, although I was in no mood to dole out any praise.

We went back to the crying room and Brian entered a few minutes later. Relief.........

During an unusually quiet moment William turned to Brian and asked, "Why does Mom have big boobs?"

Brian closed his eyes and fervently began to pray......for what, I'm not sure, but anything other than what was taking place would have been fine with me.